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 We are all pleasure seekers. There are pleasure centers located within the human brain, which, when
activated, are associated with feelings of euphoria. This is
part of the daily cycle we all experience. During the day
we go through naturally occurring periods when we feel
comfortable, secure, happy, and fulfilled - and this is followed by periods when more negative feelings are
aroused (anxiety, insecurity, discomfort). We humans are
highly reinforced by positive feelings of pleasure. We
want to experience euphoria again and again. Fortunately,
that's not all there is to life.
Addictive behavior can be seen as an attempt to control our daily cycles by maximizing pleasurable feelings and decreasing the frequency of negative feelings.
At first we may even succeed for a while in doing this,
but our basic natures have a way of catching up with us.
We probably need our down phases of the daily cycle as
much as we need the more positive ones - if for no other
reason than that the negative parts of the cycle help us
appreciate the positive ones even more. Our negative
experiences strengthen us and help us to become survivors. They assist us in learning wisdom and integrity.
There are few things in nature which are not cyclical.
Attempts to find constant pleasure through addictive
behavior are always futile. The negative phase always
revisits us and brings balance back into our lives. There
is no escaping our basic nature. And there is no escaping
the escalating and debilitating results of the addictive
process.
Addiction is an uncontrolled search for gratification
through a relationship with an substance or activity
to the exclusion of other more diverse life experiences.
The substance or activity with which the addict forms a
relationship varies with each person. Common sources
of addiction are alcohol, tobacco, illegal drugs, prescription medication, sex, love, food, shopping (and shoplifting), gambling, television, computers, and work.
The addictive quest for pleasure has some defining
characteristics. Many addictions aim to increase
arousal. This is the all-powerful feeling that might
come from cocaine, amphetamines, the first few drinks
of alcohol, shoplifting, sexual acting out or gambling.
This omnipotent feeling, however, is eventually undermined when the addict realizes that a dependency has
been formed. A feeling of fear replaces the feeling of
being all powerful - fear of losing the source of addiction and fear that others will find out how powerless the
person actually is. Negative experiences always accompany the positive feelings the addict is seeking.
Other addictions aim to increase satiation. This is the
feeling of happiness and fulfillment that might be
achieved through the use of heroin, marijuana, tranquilizers, pain medication, watching TV or overeating. The
feeling of satiation serves to camouflage a person's
underlying pain. Again, however, negative feelings
always show themselves. The person who strives for
satiation not only re-experiences the underlying pain
when the feeling of satiation wears off, but also experiences the grief accompanied by the loss of the satiation
high. Satiation addicts must increase the dosage of the
drug or the frequency of the addictive acting out behavior to cover up their original pain. The quest for a satiation high takes over the person's life until, ultimately,
the pain returns in the form of despair.
Note that satiation reflects our quest for pleasure
while arousal exemplifies our quest for power. Pleasure and power are two of our most primitive behaviors
and are experienced by children in the earliest years of
life when the range of experiences is focused largely on
forming one's sense of self. Adulthood brings us beyond
these simple levels of experience into a more complex,
diverse and meaningful way of relating to the world.
When we move past pleasure and power, we are able to
form intimate relationships with other adults, to contribute to society, to understand our responsibilities
to others, and to incorporate moral convictions
into our actions. Addictive behavior prevents us
from achieving these
more complex levels of
behavior found in adulthood.
Addictive behavior usually contains the following components:
Acting Out Behavior:Addicts create a mood through a change in their behavior that
sets the stage to go into the addictive high. Thus, sex
addicts will purchase pornographic material. Drug
addicts will make the call to the drug dealer. These
"acting out" behaviors are a preliminary part of the
addictive process and serve to shift the addict's mood.
During the acting out stage, the addict feels the illusion
of being powerful and in control.
The Illusion of Nurturance: Most of us seek ways to achieve nurturance in times of
stress, but for the addict, the nurturing is temporary and
does not allow the person to find ways to solve problems in a realistic way. Addiction is a lifestyle in which
life's problems are avoided in favor of the search for
the next high. Although the addict may understand
rationally that addictive behavior will not solve the
problem, they develop their own logic which rationalizes the continuation of the addiction.
The Addictive Object Becomes
the Person's Primary Relationship! Addicts seek to meet their emotional and intimacy needs through achieving a high until, eventually,
this becomes their most important relationship. They
experience a mood change and come to believe that
their emotional needs have been met. This is the
tragedy of addiction because the addict shuts out other
people, the community and the search for spiritual
answers - the real way to deal with life's issues in a
healthy manner. Other people are used, not for true
relationship, but merely as props in pursuit of the
addiction.
The Addict Withdraws from the World. The normal way to achieve intimacy is to reach out to other people. For the addict, where
the primary relationship is with the addictive substance,
the illusion of intimacy means pursuing the addictive
high and excluding other people. The high gives the
feeling of warmth, control, and well-being - and the
feeling that the need for intimacy has been met. Unfortunately, the longer the addict engages in this process,
the more lonely and isolated he or she becomes. When
the pain of isolation becomes intense, the stage is set
for the addict to engage in more acting out behavior.
The pattern becomes entrenched, and escaping it is difficult.
Addicts Trust the High More
than Other People Addicts begin to
trust the mood change that comes from engaging in
addictive behavior. They feel isolated from other people and find that others might not always come
through for them. The high, on the other hand, is consistent and always available. They trust the high more
than they trust others. Unfortunately, because addicts
have not engaged in the normal interactions that occur
between people, they lack the experience of working
through the nuances of relationships in order to find
ways of getting their needs met through others. This
entrenches them in the belief that their addiction is
their only friend. It works every time, while friends are
not always there.
Recovering from Addiction
Coming to terms with addiction may be the most important journey of a person's life. Because the
addict's primary relationship is with the addictive substance and everything else is secondary, only used to
pursue the addictive high, the addict's safety, security
and life dreams may suffer. The tragedy of addiction is
that people can lose their families, friends, money,
homes, jobs and way of life. The single-mindedness of
the addictive pursuit prevents the addict from dealing
with life in a more mature, complex, and responsible
way.
One way of coming to terms with addiction is to
work with a trained therapist. Because addiction is
such an entrenched pattern in one's life and essentially
an emotional issue, individual talk therapy may not
provide all the support one needs to come to terms
with the problem, but it can serve as a good starting
point. The therapist may refer the addicted person to a
twelve-step program or other recovery resources as an
adjunct to therapy. AA, NA, and other groups, such as
Rational Recovery, are free and can be essential to the
process of recovery.
The first phase of recovery is to admit the addiction - and this is very difficult for many people. Some
people may need to experience the loss of their life
dreams and expectations before they can admit that
they are addicted to an substance or activity. The
addict must then make the commitment not to engage
in the addictive behavior in the future. They must move
from the primitive quest for power and pleasure to more
meaningful, responsible adult behaviors. Part of this
process is making amends to those who have been hurt
by the person's addiction. Another part is to learn to
draw from the nurturance and pleasure provided by
other people - friends, family and the larger community.
Another is to get in touch with one's spiritual self and
the normal human desire to connect with things larger
than oneself.
Lhe addict must search for his or her healthy self and try to stay there always. Life becomes a series of
daily choices - to choose the behaviors of the healthy
self and not those of the addictive self. Coming to terms
with addiction, finally, means exploring the beauty, joy
and excitement of the full and complete person that all
of us have the capacity to become.
"Not I, nor anyone else, can travel that road for you. You must travel it yourself."
- Walt Whitman
Factors That Place a Person At Risk for Addiction
- As a child, having addicted parents (or
other adults).
- As a child, having too much, too little or
uncertain love, discipline or safety.
- A tendency to find others who are also
addictive.
- Feelings of insecurity, loneliness or being
different
- Difficulty using positive emotions such as
love, joy or intimacy in times of trouble.
- An inability to self-reflect and self-soothe.
Working Through Life's Challenges
We all faces problems, stressors and anxieties
in our everyday lives. This is a fundamental part of the human condition and there is no
escaping this basic truth. Indeed, challenges help
us to grow. The normal process is to perceive a
problem and then bring our emotional and thinking abilities into play in order to solve the problem. We can draw on our own legacy of experiences and we can find support from our life partners, friends, the community, society's body of
knowledge, and spiritual sources. Faced with a
problem, we experience some anxiety - and this
uncomfortable feeling motivates us to solve the
problem in order to find our balance again. In the
process, we become more flexible and more
adept at dealing with problems in the future. As
we mature, we discover that problems are not
insurmountable - and we get better at problem solving.
The addict, too, faces life's challenges. Rather
than easing the anxieties associated with a
problem by drawing on a diversity of healthy
resources for a solution, the addict knows that at
the end of the day there is always the alcohol, the
drug, the food, the gambling, the sexual outlet,
the work, any addictive substance or activity
which will ease the anxiety. Thus, the problems
are never solved in the real world and the addict
develops the illusion that the problem has been
solved. The pain is gone and there is no perceived need to work on solving real problems
Unfortunately, it is the children,
the partner, the family and
friends of the addict who suffer.
Their needs for comfort, nurturance and safety are compromised, since the addict's primary relationship is not with them,
but with the addictive substance.
Instead of finding true meaning in
life, the addict pursues an illusory
and primitive quest for the feeling
of pleasure and power over life's
challenges - and it is those who
truly matter in the addict's life
who suffer greatly.
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