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see ourselves in those terms.  We can learn to trust that we will have success in meeting life's difficulties.  When we take this approach, we can begin to face problematic situations as a challenge which, when resolved, can bring new and exciting opportunities into our lives.

     Involvement means opening ourselves up to the world around us.  It means letting friends and family members into our personal lives and sharing our private experiences with others when appropriate.  Cultivating a social network serves us well when we are dealing with stressful situations.  Talking our way through a crisis in the presence of a supportive listener, rather than holding it in alone, is one of our best ways of gaining helpful feedback, putting the situation into perspective, and sensing that we are not alone.  When we lack involvement with others, we have the resources to cope with stressful experiences.

     A positive approach toward life is one of the main attributes of those who deal well with stress.  Rather than seeing life's difficulties as situations to complain about, the more adaptive person sees them as challenges which can be met with success.  Losses can be seen as opportunities for gain.  The life process is one of loss and gain -- it's as natural as night and day.    When we trust that our losses will give rise to new gains and life experiences, the stress associated with loss need not be devastating.  For example, the loss of a job can open the door to more satisfying employment and the opportunity for more fulfilling life experiences.  The clue is to change our negative thoughts about situations into

more positive thoughts -- and positive feelings will usually follow a change in thinking.  For example, if a close friend moves away, rather than harboring negative thoughts about how lonely and devastated you will feel, think about the good memories you will always have, how your friendship will leave a positive legacy that will always touch your life, how you can still keep in touch and visit, and how you can now spend your time in new and positive pursuits.  There really is no need for stress in this situation.  We can choose to move toward the open doors of life rather than futilely knocking on closed doors.

The first step in learning how to manage your stress is to increase your level of awareness in two areas -- first, your level on experienced stress in your body, and second, the nature of the events which bring on your stress.  You need to do the first one before you can effectively do the second.  In order to increase your level of awareness in your body, check your stress levels throughout the day and rate yourself, perhaps on a ten-point scale, on the degree of stress you are experiencing at that time.  To do this, check out your body.  Are your muscles tense?  Is your heart pounding?  Are your hands cold and clammy?  Are you able to concentrate normally? When you became adept at recognizing the degree of stress you are currently experiencing, work on increasing your awareness of the people, things, and events that are triggering your stress.  These can also be rated on

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